I used to see a psychiatrist through the public system. He continually told me I was well after 15 months of treatment. I got so perplexed by his reasonings I decided to write down my moods every day for a month and show him what I go through each day. I refuse to believe I am “well now” and will not give up until I get the message through that I need something to change because I am not normal. It’s an interesting exercise and I highly recommend it especially because you can get in touch with your own moods and feelings and you can show people exactly what is going on in your life on a day to day basis.
**Please note this list equates to 2006-2008 when I was being treated for bipolar disorder and does not represent my current state of mind. I do not know how anyone could have gone on with the symptoms I suffered back then and survived. It was a daily living hell. I was getting close to my tether when I was saved by a re-diagnosis and taken off anti psychotics.
SCALE
0-3 = mild, 4-6 = moderate, 7-10 = extreme
28/9/2008
- Terrible shaking of hands 8/10 (Artane did not help) (*Artane is a drug for Parkinsons Disease)
- Disconnected from people 8/10
- Tension/anxiety 7/10
- Slight depression 2/10
- Interrupted sleep 4/10
- Blurred vision 8/10
- Lack of motivation 4/10
- Music in my head 4/10
- OCD cleaning 4/10
29/9/2008 (Period arrived)
- PMT stomach cramps 2/10
- Music in my head 2/10
- Shaky hands 4/10
- Anxiety 3/10
- Irritability 1/10
- Normality 8/10
- Excellent sleep 10/10
- Increased energy 7/10
30/9/2008
- Shaking of hands and legs 7/10
- Slurred speech 3/10
- Stomach cramps from period 4/10
- Anxiety/stress 3/10
- Decreased concentration 3/10
- Increased energy 7/10
- Depression (argument) 5/10
1/10/2008
- Low mood (from argument) 3/10
- Lack of concentration 5/10
- Fatigue 3/10
- Music in my head 3/10
2/10/2008 (Holiday)
- Lack of concentration 6/10
- Irritable 6/10
- Bad diet 8/10
- Apathy
- Depression (argument) 6/10
- Suicidal (argument) 4/10
- Music in my head 3/10
3/10/2008 (Holiday, period finishing)
- Confused relationship thoughts 9/10
- Sad face 6/10
- Shaking 2/10
- Bad diet 8/10
- Sick feeling 8/10
- Apathy 6/10
- Stress/anxiety 9/10
- Music in my head 3/10
4/10/2008 (Holiday, Period finishing)
- Tremor 5/10
- Depression 4/10
- Music in my head 3/10
5/10/2008 (Holiday, feel hormonal)
- Fantasy 8/10
- Non interest in environment and conversation 8/10
- Tremor 1/10
- Music in my head 3/10
6/10/2008 (Holiday, feel hormonal)
- Depression 4/10
- Tremor 6/10
- Fantasy 6/10
- Lack of interest in environment and conversation 6/10
- Insomnia 6/10
- Confused relationship thoughts 6/10
- Music in my head 3/10
7/10/2008 (Holiday, feel hormonal)
- Tremor 6/10
- Lack of interest in environment and conversation 5/10
- Lack of feeling 5/10
- No facial expression 7/10
- Music in my head 6/10
8/10/2008 (Holiday)
- Depression 4/10
- Lack of interest in environment and communication 7/10
- No motivation 6/10
- Dread/anxiety 5/10
- No appetite 5/10
- Sick feeling 4/10
- Music in my head 3/10
9/10/2008 (Holiday)
- Irritability 4/10
- Depression 3/10
- Apathy 5/10
- Lack of emotion
- Music in my head 3/10
10/10/2008 (Holiday)
- Fantasy 4/10
- Depression 5/10
- Music in my head 3/10
11/10/2008 (Back from holiday)
- Depression 4/10
- Suicidal thoughts 2/10
- Music in my head 3/10
12/10/2008 (Weekend/Sunday)
- Depression 6/10
- Anger 7/10
- Irritable 8/10
- No emotion 5/10
- Music in my head 3/10
13/10/2008 (Back to work/Monday)
- Depression 4/10
- Headache 3/10
- Twitching 3/10
- Speech difficulty 2/10
- Music in my head 3/10
14/10/2008
- Low concentration 3/10
- Speech difficulty 1/10
- Music in my head 3/10
15/10/2008
- Anxiety 4/10
- Twitching 1/10
- Tiredness 4/10
- Loss of appetite 3/10
- No music in my head!
16/10/2008
- Tiredness 6/10
- Low concentration 6/10
- Twitching 6/10
- Loneliness/isolation 5/10
- Racing thoughts 3/10
- Depression 6/10
- Hypomania/lack of sleep 8/10
- Melancholy 3/10
- Suicidal thoughts 3/10
- Fantasy 10/10
- No music in my head!
17/10/2008
- Fantasy 8/10
- Racing thoughts 6/10
- Depression 3/10
- Loss of appetite 3/10
- Period cramps 2/10
- Decreased need for sleep 4/10
- Music in my head 3/10
18/10/2008 (Saturday)
- Fantasy 4/10
- Anxiety 3/10
- Depression 6/10
- Confused relationship thoughts 2/10
- Disinterest in activities and conversation 4/10
- Music in my head 3/10
19/10/2008 (Sunday)
- No music in my head!
- Shaking/Tremor 2/10
- Depression 7/10
20/10/2008 (day off work)
- Depression 8/10
- Relationship difficulties 8/10
21/10/2008 (day off work)
- Depression 8/10
- Relationship Difficulties 8/10
- Twitching 4/10
22/10/2008 (day off work)
- Depression 4/10
- Shaking/twitching 6/10
23/10/2008
- Tension 5/10
- Depression 2/10
24/10/2008
- Tension 3/10
- Shaking 4/10
- OCD cleaning 4/10
25/10/2008 (Saturday)
- Shaking 6/10
- Stomach cramps (period) (morning after pill) 8/10
26/10/2008 (Sunday)
- Depression 4/10
- Confused relationship thoughts 2/10
27/10/2008 (Monday, back to work)
- Shaking/tension 4/10
- Depression/non interest in work environment 7/10
28/10/2008 (Period arrived)
- Shaking/twitching 4/10
- Non interest in work environment 5/10
- Fantasy 1/10
- Lack of interest in working environment 5/10
- Fantasy 1/10
29/10/2008
- Fantasy 9/10
- Insomnia 9/10
30/10/2008
- Depression 7/10
31/10/2008
- Fantasy 2/10
- Poor sleep /woke up tired & tense 8/10
- Shaking 5/10
1/11/2008
- Shaking 5/10
- Fantasy 2/10
- Depression 4/10
2/11/2008
- Fantasy 2/10
- Depression 5/10
- Suicidal thoughts/plans 3/10
3/11/2008 (Monday)
- Loneliness 3/10
- Depression 5/10
- Fantasy 3/10
- Anxiety 2/10
- Melancholia 2/10
- Delusional (preparing for date with fantasy man) 9/10
- Buying things for date 5/10
4/11/2008
- Mania consisting of listening to extremely loud music/erratic behavour and the following:
- Putting on makeup for fantasy date
- Buying things 4/10
- Risky driving 4/10
- Racing thoughts 8/10
- Increased energy 6/10
- Fantasizing 6/10
- By afternoon down to Depression 7/10
- Shaking 5/10
- Loud & repetitive music in my head 7/10
5/11/2008
- Woke up tired
- Lack of interest in working 4/10
- Depression 5/10
- Shaking 2/10
- Anti-social 6/10
- Lack of concentration 3/10
- Fantasy 3/10
6/11/2008
- Anxiety/panic attack going outside for lunch 6/10
- Depression 4/10
- Tiredness 8/10
- Loss of appetite 4/10
- Lack of interest in work environment 6/10
- Difficulty sleeping/getting to sleep 3/10
7/11/2008
- Music in my head 6/10
- Poor sleep 6/10
- Starving myself 8/10
- Suicidal (argument) 6/10
- Depression (argument) 4/10
8/11/2008 MEDICATION CHANGE TO ZELDOX 60MG EVENING 40 DAY
- Poor sleep 6/10
- Situational depression 3/10
- Anxiety shopping 4/10
9/11/2008
- Shaking 5/10
- Suicide attempt (argument)
- Indecisive 6/10
10/11/2008 120mg ZELDOX EVENING 40MG DAY
- Racing thoughts/lots of energy
- Shaking 6/10
11/11/2008 60MG ZELDOX EVENING 40 DAY
- Shaking 8/10
- Fantasy 3/10
12/11/2008
- Woke up tired 6/10
- Music in my head
- Shaking 8/10
13/11/2008
- Music in my head 3/10
- Woke up tired 3/10
- Restlessness 5/10
- Shaking
- Lethargy 7/10
14/11/2008
- Lethargy 2/10
- Music in my head 2/10
- Shaking 4/10
15/11/2008
- Shaking 5/10
- Music in my head 2/10
16/11/2008
- Shaking 5/10
- Music in my head 4/10
- Depression (argument) 7/10
- Suicidal thoughts 4/10
- Panic attack 5/10
- Lethargy 4/10
17/11/2008
- Shaking 4/10
- Depression 5/10
- Lethargy 2/10
- Tiredness 4/10
18/11/2008 CAT TEAM VISIT
- Shaking 8/10
- Depression 4/10
- Tiredness/Cranky/Inability to work 6/10
I didn’t read through all of your symptoms but I think there is no such thing as normal. I get a lot of ‘symptoms’ too but I personally wouldn’t try medication… I think (in many, not all) cases it makes things worse. Natural things are better and don’t fuck up your body and mind so much. Also, though I’m interested in Psychology, I’ve always wondered how helpful a psychologist is? I think it depends on how good the one you have is, So if you don’t like yours you should get a new one. Though I realize your post is old so maybe you already have haha.
I have seen psychologists on and off over the years rachaelnicole2010 however I never really had my eyes opened up until I attended 12 Step Programs. I am so ever grateful for the journey they sent me on. I think a lot of the symptoms I described back then were related to side effects of the drugs I was put on. Now the ones I have are moreso related to body feelings (memories stemming from childhood trauma). Thank you for your comment and stopping by here 🙂
I’m glad you found a program that works so well, A lot of people don’t even get that far. Yeah, that’s why I think it’s funnies how people always prescribe so many drugs and medications without getting to the root of the problem. I know certain drugs can help certain people but medication should never be the sole thing their doing ya know?
& Of course, I enjoy reading your works so just thought I’d comment on something, even if it is 2 years old xP
Funny you talk about the music in the head symptom. Some forums say its a form of OCD. I have OCD cleaning so I put it down to that HOWEVER once I went off the Zeldox the music in my head ceased. It was starting to become rather annoying and frustrating let me tell you!
It is interesting looking at your symptom chart; it’s not what I thought you meant. I should do this more often as well, but so far I only do it when I can tell the symptoms are worsening and I want to document how severe they get.
I almost always have music in my head — never thought of it as a symptom. I just assumed everyone had it most of the time. Hmmm.
Would you believe I was listening to an AA Podcast last week and the speaker was saying he had a “constant radio on in his head”.
The speaker was a narcotics user (I have never used any sort of narcotics) but it reminded me of the “music in my head” that I used to have.
I absolutely HATED it…..