I was getting ready for bed one evening and right beside my pillow on the wall sat a Daddy Long Legs spider. I had just come home from a 12 Step meeting so I was calm and content. I first found my thoughts moving to leaving the spider there or gently picking it up with my bare hands [...]
Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category
Daddy Long Legs
Posted in Alcoholic Home Life, Dysfunctional Behavior, Thoughts, tagged adult child, alcoholic home, apple of his eye, choices in life, Daddy Long Legs, daddy long legs spider, Parenting, Spider, timely death on October 8, 2011 | Leave a Comment »
Amy Winehouse – Her Pain
Posted in Addiction, Coping Mechanisms, Dysfunctional Behavior, Relationships, Self Harm, Self Love, Suicide, Thoughts, tagged Abadonment, Affair, alcoholism, Amy Winehouse death, AmyWinehouse, Back to Black, betrayal, childhood, daddys girl, Divorce, drugs, emotionally unavailable, mitch winehouse, parents, Rehab on July 24, 2011 | Leave a Comment »
I know very little about Amy Winehouse but when I read of her death and reports that she had been a drinker, drug taker and self harmer, I wondered what was causing her so much pain. So I took the time to take a look at what had been reported on her family of origin over [...]
There’s a Hole in My Bucket
Posted in 12 Step, Addiction, Codependency, Coping Mechanisms, Dysfunctional Behavior, Self Help/Support Groups, Self Love, Thoughts, tagged ACA, ACOA, addiction, adult child, alcoholic home, co addiction, dysfunctional childhood, dysfunctional family, Fantasy Addiction, God, higher power, Hole in My Soul, Inner Child, Love Addiction, mental health, self love, sex addiction, There's a Hole in My Bucket, Twelve-step program on June 17, 2011 | 1 Comment »
“There’s a hole in my bucket dear Liza dear Liza, there’s a hole in my bucket dear Liza, a hole”. My grandmother used to sing that children’s song when I was young but little did I know I would have a hole in my bucket (my soul) when I grew up because my caregivers were so focussed on each other [...]
I’m no Picasso!
Posted in Codependency, Coping Mechanisms, Depression, Dysfunctional Behavior, Self Love, Thoughts, tagged ACOA, adult child, alcoholic home, approval seeking, expectations, fear of failure, Inner Child, perfectionism, self love, self sabotage on June 12, 2011 | 6 Comments »
When I was young I was pretty good at drawing birds and dogs. My dad used to compliment me all the time. Today I can’t draw for peanuts! I try and try to get my talent back but it’s gone. What the hell is wrong with me? I have no patience yet expect to produce masterpieces. [...]
Zeldox/Geodon (Ziprasidone) – Users’ Experiences
Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Medication, mental illness, Thoughts, Zeldox Ziprasidone Geodon, tagged acute anxiety, Antipsychotic, choking geodon, choking zeldox, choking ziprasidone, Food and Drug Administration, gagging sensation anxiety, geodon, geodon addiction, hand tremor, head tremor, leg tremor, long term antipsychotic use, lump in throat, Mental disorder, mental health, Pharmaceutical drug, side effects antipsychotics, side effects Geodon, side effects Zeldox, tardive diskinesia, Zeldox, zeldox addiction, Zeldox Anxiety, zeldox tremor, ziprasidone, ziprasidone hydrochloride on May 26, 2011 | 2 Comments »
The information and opinions I have previously posted on the antipsychotic Zeldox (Ziprasidone) (also called Geodon) have been the most popular posts on my blog by far therefore I’ve decided to publish a link to all three posts so searchers can view the maximum amount of information and comments from other users of this drug to aid their research. It is [...]
I Am Alone
Posted in 12 Step, Addiction, Codependency, Coping Mechanisms, Depression, Poetry, Relationships, SAnon, Self Love, Thoughts, tagged 12 Step Program, ACOA, addiction, adult child, alcoholic home life, alcoholism, childhood grief, codependency, codependent relationships, Depression, dysfunctional families, God, Inner Child, internal misery, poetry, sadness, SAnon, self love on April 26, 2011 | 3 Comments »
There is nobody here to share my sorrow There is nobody here to cut the ball and chain of my responsibilities, my chores To allow me to run and play like a carefree child, to think of happy things and make daisy chains in the sun When will someone hear my cry? You walk away and leave [...]
Running on Empty
Posted in 12 Step, Codependency, Depression, Relationships, SAnon, Self Harm, Self Love, Suicide, Thoughts, tagged ACOA, adult child, alanon, alcoholic home, alcoholism, Alone, codependency, Depression, Inner Child, isolation, loneliness, sadness, SAnon, Self Harm, self love, stuck on April 2, 2011 | 7 Comments »
As an adult child of an alcoholic I often feel so alone in this world. Nobody understands me, nobody gets me, nobody will feel the pain and sadness I feel inside. Imagine a car stalled in the middle of a major highway and all the other cars whizzing by, not noticing it’s there. It wants some help, so badly [...]
Living in the Solution
Posted in 12 Step, Codependency, Depression, Relationships, Thoughts, tagged ACA, ACOA, adult children, adult children of alcoholics, belief systems, coaddiction, codependency, control, Depression, dysfunctional families, dysfunctional family, dysfunctional upbrinings, family of origin, living in the problem, self help on March 9, 2011 | 4 Comments »
I wanted to post an update on my post below “Repeating my Childhood” because a few wonderful people commented on it for which I’m grateful. During my “unmanageable” moment I was thinking things such as “Here goes another weekend down the drain”, “I hate my life” , “I’m so weak” and “The sewing machine is broken [...]
Dear John – Dysfunctional Childhood?
Posted in 12 Step, Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, mental illness, Thoughts, tagged 12 Step Program, AA, Abusive Childhood, addiction, adult children, adult children of alcoholics, alcoholics anonymous, alcoholism, Anxiety disorder, childhood depression, depression and alcoholism, dysfunctional childhood, dysfunctional thinking, Health, Major depressive disorder, mental health, mental illness on December 28, 2010 | 3 Comments »
I received an email yesterday and thought I’d share it with you together with my reply: “Dear X, My name is X. I am almost certain now that I was born with a mental illness. I was diagnosed when I was thirty-five I am now forty-one. I realised something was wrong when I was sixteen,and so began my personal war,I have [...]
My Life’s on Hold
Posted in 12 Step, Anxiety, Codependency, Depression, Thoughts, tagged 12 Step, ACOA, adult child, agoraphobia, alcoholic home, anxiety, codependency, Depression, Disorders, excessive worry, Facebook, fear of situations, Health, life on hold, mental health, panic disorder, phobia, reluctant thoughts, Support group, Support Groups, triggers, Twelve Step, Twelve-step program, uncontrollable fear, What might happen on October 17, 2010 | 9 Comments »
I was recently thinking about someone who I befriended on Facebook at my last 12 Step meeting because we were talking about how people (me included) don’t commit to things until the last minute or we say NO “just incase” something bad will happen. She invited me to her birthday party and she is such a lovely person and I [...]
Stay Away from Mentally Ill?
Posted in 12 Step, Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Depression, mental illness, Relationships, Schizophrenia, Self Help/Support Groups, Thoughts, tagged agressive friends, agressive mentally ill, anxiety, bipolar disorder, Borderline personality disorder, depressed person, destructive mental illness, detaching from mentally ill, Disorders, Health, helping mentally ill, how to help mentally ill, major depressive illness, manipulative friends, manipulative mentally ill, Mental disorder, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill friend, Support group on October 17, 2010 | 2 Comments »
I recently responded to a request for experience strength and hope in dealing with toxic families who have mental illnesses and possible personality disorders. This is what I said: “I have a fair bit of experience with mental illness as it runs in my family of origin (depression, anxiety, bipolar, schizophrenia) plus I have [...]
Gallbladder Attack Cure
Posted in Anxiety, Food, Thoughts, tagged dr hulda clark gallstones, Gallbladder, gallbladder and apple cider vinegar, gallbladder and apple juice, gallbladder and estrogen dominance, gallbladder anxiety, gallbladder attacks, gallbladder pain, gallbladder remedy, Gallstone, gallstone diet, gallstone help, gallstone pain, gallstone prevention, gallstone remedy, gallstones and anxiety, gallstones and apple juice, gallstones and diary, gallstones and whiskey, Health, Jenny Birdsey, natural progesterone cream, NPAN, stop gallbladder attacks on October 3, 2010 | 2 Comments »
This is somewhat off topic I know but I just had to share with the world how I found a way to stop my gallbladder attacks. I have read and tried a lot of remedies on the internet about how to stop my gallbladder from contracting (an attack) (including knocking myself out with whiskey) and [...]
Codependency & Loss of Identity
Posted in 12 Step, Addiction, Codependency, Relationships, SAnon, Self Love, Thoughts, tagged ACOA, addictive relationships, adult children, alanon, alcoholic children, alcoholic home life, codependency, codependent relationships, dependency, family, finding self, Health, loss of self, SAnon, self identity, self love, unhealthy relationships on September 29, 2010 | 3 Comments »
Have you ever heard anyone say they don’t know who they are anymore? Losing your identity is losing sight of what you like doing, what you think or what makes you happy for example. At this time in my life I don’t know who I am or what I like (to an extent) and I [...]
My First Codependency Meeting
Posted in 12 Step, Addiction, Anxiety, Codependency, Depression, mental illness, Thoughts, tagged 12 Step Program, agoraphobia, alcoholic home life, anxiety, CODA, codependency, codependent behaviour, Depression, Disorders, Health, Major depressive disorder, mental health, self love, unselfish behaviour on September 25, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Went to my very first codependency 12 Step meeting yesterday. I was very surprised about how much I related to people’s shares and the readings and how much of my behaviour was codependent behaviour. Who would have thought that the need to come bearing gifts when I visited people was codependent behaviour. Apparently the reasoning behind always needing [...]
Sex & Love Addiction Help
Posted in 12 Step, Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Books, Codependency, Depression, Medication, mental illness, SAnon, Self Harm, Self Help/Support Groups, Thoughts, tagged Amazon.com, American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Love Addiction, love addiction help, love addiction suicide, love addicts, love avoidants, love fantasies, Obsessive–compulsive disorder, Patrick Carnes, romance fantasies, SA, SAnon, sex addict, sex addiction suicide, Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexual addiction, sexual fantasies, sexual thoughts, Sexuality, SLAA, Substance dependence, Twelve-step program, unwanted fantasies on September 11, 2010 | 2 Comments »
As I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder and various OCD symptoms such as the need to have things orderly, clean and perfect, I was wondering whether love and sex addiction is classed a form of OCD. Some experts believe that sexual addiction is literally an addiction, directly analogous to alcohol and drug addictions. Other experts believe [...]
Kleptomania – a Compulsion to Steal
Posted in 12 Step, Anxiety, Medication, mental illness, Thoughts, tagged bipolar disorder, childhood theft, Disorders, Health, Kleptomania, mental health, OCD shoplifting, OCD stealing, OCD theft, Retail, Salvation Army, Shoplifting, shoplifting anxiety, stealing anxiety, stealing compulsion, stealing mental illness, Theft, theft anxiety, thieving compulsion, zeldox affer effects, zeldox and anxiety, zeldox compulsion, zeldox obsessive, zeldox OCD, zeldox shoplifting, zeldox side effects on September 11, 2010 | 2 Comments »
Kleptomania is classified as ”an irresistable urge to steal” but people with this disorder are compelled to steal but not limited to, items of insignificant value. Insignificant value meaning pens, paperclips, note pads, paper etc. Kleptomania is distinguished from shoplifting or ordinary theft, as shoplifters and thieves generally steal for monetary value, or associated gains and usually display intent [...]
Control – My Best Friend!
Posted in 12 Step, Addiction, Anxiety, Codependency, Thoughts, tagged addiction, alcoholic home life, alcoholism, children and control, codependency, codependency games, control, control and addiction, control and alcoholism, control and codependency, control and rebel, control freak, control issues, controlling parent, controlling personality, family, growing up in an alcoholic home, Health, Home, Parenting, perfectionism, Substance abuse, Twelve-step program on September 7, 2010 | 1 Comment »
Annabelle’s comment in my previous post reminded me about my best friend “control” who visits me on a regular basis in various ways, shapes and forms. Control and I have grown up together but unfortunately friend, it’s time to go. I’m trying to get rid of you but it’s easier said than done. You don’t [...]
Matthew Newton – Mentally Ill or Drug Addict?
Posted in 12 Step, Addiction, Mental Health News, mental illness, Self Help/Support Groups, Thoughts, tagged AA, alanon, alcoholics anonymous, Australia, Bert Newton, brooke satchwell, domestic violence, drug use, Electroconvulsive Therapy, family violence, Health, Ice, Ice pipe, marijuana and mental illness, marijuana psychosis, Matthew Newton, mental health, narcotics, Narcotics Anonymous, Patti Newton, rachael taylor, scizophrenia, violence women, X Factor on September 5, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
It never ceases to amaze me about the things journalists come up with in the tabloids let alone the lengths families go to to save their reputation and that of their loved one who has acted inappropriately. Matthew Newton, son of Bert Newton – Australian icon. Latest article if you are not familiar with the [...]
Suicidal Ideations, PMT & Antipsychotics
Posted in bipolar disorder, Depression, Medication, mental illness, Self Harm, Suicide, Thoughts, tagged benzodiazepine overdose, benzodiazepines, benzos, irregular periods & suicide, Jenny Birdsey, natural progesterone, natural progesterone cream, NPAN, overdose, PMS, PMT, progesterone deficiency, Self Harm, suicidal ideations, Suicide, suicide and PMT, valium overdose on September 1, 2010 | 1 Comment »
What’s the point of writing a Blog if I can’t talk about the “hard stuff”? Should I gloss my posts over so they don’t trigger people? Yes, maybe a little but there’s no point in hiding the truth from the world because the world won’t understand where it went wrong if people like me fudge [...]
Eliminating Brain Fog from Medications
Posted in Depression, fatigue, Food, Medication, mental illness, Thoughts, tagged anti depressant side effects, brain fog, clouded mind, depression and brain fog, depression and focus, focus issues, inability to concentrate, lack of concentration, lack of focus, low concentration, medication foginess, medication side effects on August 31, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
One major problem I’ve found when dealing with many people who try their best to hold down employment is their in ability to concentrate/focus on what is required. I know with me, I used to read line after line after line until I got the information to actually sink into my brain. This kind of [...]
Tired of Codependency
Posted in 12 Step, Addiction, Books, Codependency, SAnon, Thoughts, tagged 12 Step Program, addiction, addictive relationships, alcoholic home life, coaddict, coaddiction, CODA, codependency, codependency games, Facing Love Addiction, growing up in an alcoholic home, Love Addiction, Love Avoidant, Pia Mellody, SAA, SAnon, sex addiction, SLAA, unhealthy relationships on August 31, 2010 | 2 Comments »
I’m tired of being a codependent, I’m tired of the same old games/scenarios. They get us nowhere, it pushes us back further into an abyss. Last night I picked up the book “Facing Love Addiction” by Pia Mellody which my counsellor recommended to me. I was absolutely gobsmacked at the games two codependents play with each other (unknowingly). [...]
Expectations & Perfectionism
Posted in 12 Step, SAnon, Thoughts, tagged 12 Step Program, alanon, alcoholic home life, alcoholics anonymous, control, dysfunctional families, dysfunctional traits, dysfunctional upbrinings, expectations, growing up in an alcoholic home, perfectionism, SAnon on August 28, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
How many times have you had expectations about something or someone, just to turn around and feel disappointed? Until I started 12 Step Programs, I did not understand what expectations were. Some examples of my expectations are expecting people to do the same quality of work as me in the workplace, expecting anyone who cleans [...]
Phone Phobia
Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, mental illness, Self Help/Support Groups, Thoughts, tagged agoraphobia, communication anxiety, communication phobia, email anxiety, email phobia, facing fears, fear, phobia, phone anxiety, phone phobia, technology phobia on August 17, 2010 | 2 Comments »
The more I talk to people the more I see that “phone phobia” is a real issue with mental illness sufferers. It’s probably more on the anxiety end of the scale. I am definately phone phobic. I never answer my house phone unless I have pre-arranged a time for someone to ring. The mobile phone [...]
Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D)
Posted in Depression, mental illness, Thoughts, tagged depression and SAD, depression and weather, Depression and winter, Mental Illness and weather, mental illness and winter, SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, winter blues on August 15, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Ever lived your days waiting for the sun to come out or hoping that tomorrow the sun will shine so you can have a GOOD day? I have and I am doing so this Winter. I’m calling this a mild case of SAD. If the sun ain’t out then I’m hibernating! My mood drops, my [...]
The Illness or the Medication?
Posted in bipolar disorder, Depression, Medication, mental illness, Thoughts, tagged bipolar disorder, dont feel sick, Efexor, illness or medication, medication, mental illness, symptoms, Zeldox on August 15, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
The trouble with mental illness and medications is it’s so difficult to figure out whether what you are going through is because of your illness or your medication/s! I call it the chicken or the egg scenario. For instance, am I numb from post traumatic stress disorder OR from too much Efexor? Am I tired because [...]
Can’t Save The World!
Posted in Thoughts, tagged 12 Step, codependency, Community work, Depression, focus on yourself, Help, helping others, mental health work, recovery on August 2, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
I’m back here again after a failed attempt to “save the world” as many people call it. I started a support group 18 months ago now which is still going but late last year decided to start an online forum for members in between meetings. All was going OK except out of 50 people I seemed [...]
More on Zeldox, Ziprasidone, Geodon After Effects – Anger
Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Medication, mental illness, Thoughts, Zeldox Ziprasidone Geodon, tagged after effects Zeldox, anger, compulsive suicide Geodon, compulsive suicide Zeldox, geodon, Geodon memory loss, God, long term effects Zeldox, medication and anger, mental health, mental illness anger, side effects Geodon, side effects Zeldox, suicidal thoughts Zeldox, Zeldox, Zeldox Agoraphobia, Zeldox Anxiety, Zeldox memory loss, Zeldox suicide, ziprasidone, ziprasidone hydrochloride on September 10, 2009 | 7 Comments »
I forgot to mention in my post below about coming off Zeldox and experiencing anger. The anger started pretty much as soon as the drug was out of my system. I must say I had never experienced this type of anger before in my life. I would virtually “explode” if someone upset me, I would [...]
Zeldox/Geodon/Ziprasidone – After Effects
Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Medication, mental illness, Self Harm, Suicide, Thoughts, Zeldox Ziprasidone Geodon, tagged after effects Zeldox, agoraphobia, Antipsychotic, antipsychotic suicide, anxiety, Anxiety disorder, compulsive overdosing Zeldox, compulsive suicide Geodon, compulsive suicide Zeldox, Depression, Drug, Drug overdose, geodon, Geodon memory loss, long term effects Zeldox, Obsessive–compulsive disorder, side effects Geodon, side effects Zeldox, suicidal idealations Zeldox, suicidal thoughts Zeldox, Suicide, Zeldox, Zeldox Agoraphobia, Zeldox Anxiety, Zeldox memory loss, Zeldox suicide, ziprasidone, ziprasidone hydrochloride on August 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
There is absolutely ZILCH information on the net about what people experience AFTER they have finished taking Zeldox. Of course studies indicate that long term use of this drug can cause tardive diskinesia (long term tremor) and heart issues but apart from that I have found nothing else or no other articles on what consumers [...]
Zeldox – A Worker’s Anti-Psychotic
Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, bipolar disorder, Medication, mental illness, Thoughts, Zeldox Ziprasidone Geodon, tagged anti-psychotic, bipolar disorder, drugs, geodon, Schizophrenia, wonder drug, Zeldox, ziprasidone, ziprasidone hydrochloride on June 26, 2008 | 70 Comments »
I wanted to tell you about a new drug i’m taking called “Zeldox”. It is an anti-psychotic and it’s medical name is ziprasidone hydrochloride. It is predominately used for treatment of Schizophrenia or Bipolar Disorder. After much experimentation with finding the right combination of drugs for me I was introduced to “the wonder drug” from [...]
