There was a time in my life where I could not feel any hope. I had completely forgotten what hope felt like. Today I am recognising that hope has returned to me.
I am learning to love in a different way, to love a person for who they are, not what they do. I am feeling a more deeper, grounded, accepting love. It has been a very slow process however the results are worth the wait.
For too long I put my life on hold waiting for others to save me, change their ways and make me happy. In my eyes, “they” were the problem. Now I acknowledge that I am the only one who has the power to change myself. I have had to step forward regardless of what others do or do not do or my life will keep passing me by.
I am told to get myself out of denial but for today I cannot for I know my patner tries, he works his Program and is at a different place in his recovery than I am. I continue to carry the full load alone in the hope that one day he will be considerate of me, acknowledge all the things I do and be willing to share the load equally with me as is done in a healthy partnership.
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings
the tune–without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That
could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet,
never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
- Emily Dickinson.
